So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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