I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We're too hungover to prance.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
