Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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