guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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