I love black thongs
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
