billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
