After last night, I could never be a politician.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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