I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
