So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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