No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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