Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
