you traded sex for a burrito?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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