Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
