i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
