that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize