I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
