i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize