I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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