I accidentally had phone sex last night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sex in a hospital.. check
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
