How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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