The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
