Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
