Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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