I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
