IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think your dad took our porno
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
