i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My ass is underappreciated
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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