if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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