Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
