i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
everyone is single if you try hard enough
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
