Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
