how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
