so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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