She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
