the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize