she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
