exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
