I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
