my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
