Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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