i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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