I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
