You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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