Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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