there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
