She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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