there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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