i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
