I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
