bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
