I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize