why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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