Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
