I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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