so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
