i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
