I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
