i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Send help, water and tortillas.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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