I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
