you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
