I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
