I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
