Pappa wants mamma naked
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
