From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
