Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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