Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
