The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
