Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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