please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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